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"The election was a certifiable big TV deal.

At first, it was kind of embarrassing, since the networks had all those goofs on election night and Dan Rather and Bob Schieffer stayed up until 8 a.m.

By the end, they looked as if they had sniffed Special K in a closet at Twilo. Doris Kearns Goodwin yammered on like a set of plastic chattering teeth, George Stephanopolous sweated quietly under his black mane, and, making matters worse, the Fox News Channel hired George W. Bush's cousin to rig the entire national election. Or something like that. It wasn't pretty."

-Jason Gay, The New York Observer on his choices for television highlights of 2000.

"The new administration is Nick at Nite. It feels so old, it's almost a kinescope."

-An unnamed Clinton White House official, quoted in Maureen Dowd's column in The New York Times

"It would've been Newt Gingrich, but at this point I'd have to say Trent Lott. He's a moron."

-Lewis Black, The Daily Show, to writer, Ian Rothkerch, in response to the question: "If you were the emperor of Rome and could throw one person to the lions, who would it be?"

"Is he a friend of the workingman? Yeah, if you're Irish and blue-collar and Roman Catholic. He comes from a working family, and they used to get treated pretty shabbily, so he has to find his own people to kick around.

I see a lot of O'Reillys in the Post Office. I met a lot of them in the Army."

-Charles Rangel, New York politician, to New York magazine on Bill O'Reilly of Fox's The O'Reilly Factor.

"Oh, my God! Oh, it's crazy! Oh, my God! Oh! My! God!"

-Monica Lewinsky aboard Coney Island's Cyclone roller coaster during her London Channel 5 television show, Monica's Postcards. As published in New York magazine by Robert Kolker.

"My bath is my sanctuary. It's the place where I can wash off all the stuff of the day."

-Oprah Winfrey, on how she copes with her myriad media projects as reported in Newsweek.

"Without a single guide to thin thighs or a saucier sex life, O is a glossy rendering of Winfrey's on-air motivational crusade, encouraging readers to revamp their souls the way Martha Stewart helps them revamp their kitchens."

-Lynette Clemetson, Newsweek, on Oprah Winfrey's O magazine.

"Hollywood has changed. It's not glamorous like the old days. Last time my wife and I went down there to go to the movies, we got car-jacked by a guy with a .357 Magnum."

-Don Rickles, to Esquire magazine.

"Star, however, is a slick subverter of family values and and fuddy-duddy restraints.

Marriage, in Star's works, is where a man's penis goes to die and and where a woman enters mummyhood."

-James Wolcott, in Vanity Fair, describing Darren Star, producer of Sex and the City, NBC's Titans, Fox's The $treet, and other sexy prime time shows.

"I was stunned when they said it was a comedy. I made it very clear that, if Klink was ever the hero, I would leave the show."

Werner Klemperer, as quoted in People magazine. He starred as Nazi commandant Colonel Klink in the sitcom Hogan's Heroes, which infuriated some critics in 1965. Shown in a role reversal with series star Bob Crane, Klemperer died Dec. 6 at 80.