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B&C week

Where to be and what to watch...

Monday, Jan. 17

“Are your kids driving you nuts? Is your house a zoo?” That's, seeking applicants for
(premiere, 10 p.m. ET), with Jo Frost bringing
her no-nonsense act over from the UK. But you
must meet certain other requirements before qualifying as the sort of hapless
parent who allows a bossy-boots Brit to dissect your shortcomings and order
your kids around on national TV. For instance, you have to agree not to
“become a candidate for elected office until 12 months after the initial
broadcast of the last episode in which you appear.” Right:
I'm a slob, I can't control my kids, and I'd like
your vote

Tuesday, Jan. 18

Never let it be said that the members of the South
Dakota Cable Telecommunications Association
are a bunch of
junketeering media fatcats who don't let too much business interfere with
their golf and tennis and poolside obligations. These folks are holding their
annual meeting today in frigid Pierre at the
shy and unassuming Governor's Inn (“State
of the art voicemail for every room”). Tonight, Paula
and her fellow American
ators come to Fox's rescue (8 p.m. ET,), still basking in the glow
of the show's victory over Paris Hilton as
Yahoo!'s most-searched term for 2004.

Wednesday, Jan. 19

Admit it: You dream of having a home network for the electronics gear
that currently snakes enough wiring along your baseboards to run a U2 concert,
but you have no idea what “home network” really
. Unfortunately, neither do a lot of people who
ought to—just try talking to the cable guy
about hooking up wireless modems or meshing TiVo with your high-speed
connection. Bless the Society of Cable Telecommunications
and their prez, John
, then, for holding a Web-based live seminar, “Home
Networking Technologies,” today at 2 p.m. If you're a gearhead who's
interested, go to for more information. If you're a
gearhead who has already networked your own home—what's your day rate?

Thursday, Jan. 20

That muttered cursing you hear today in Washington isn't just Democrats—Nancy Pelosi, get a grip—who can't bear
President Bush's inauguration (12 noon, pick
your channel). It's also FCC and
cable-industry lawyers elbowing through the clogged streets and the
triple-secret security lockdown to file briefs with the Supreme Court. The cable biz is livid—well, maybe
that's too strong a word for their feelings after a six-year legal
slog—over rules requiring the companies to let Internet Service Providers
piggyback on their broadband networks. The cable position:
Hey, what's with this open-access business? Do we
look like the phone company?
Five bucks to anybody in the court who
yells VoIP! VoIP! Tonight,
Donald Trump returns with the third edition of
(NBC, 8 p.m.
ET). The network will interrupt the broadcast of the still-unfolding
second-season finale.

Friday, Jan. 21

Tony Shalhoub returns tonight
(USA, 9 p.m. ET) as the detective with
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder in the season premiere of Monk. Or as we like
to refer to the show: “The OCD.” This season, Monk switches out sidekick
Bitty Schram for ex-Two Guys and a Girl
star Traylor Howard. The network is teaming up
with Lysol for a contest with they're
calling “Clean Up With Monk.” “Is Your House a Zoo?” was already

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