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Last Dispatch: The Party is Over

A video of Britney and K-Fed actually gets booed. They present the best r&b award to beyonce and slim thug. Hype Williams' video vanguard award brings much-applauded performances from (sadly, an old-looking) Busta and Missy Elliott, who broke out her puffy black trash bag to do "I can't stand the rain" while driving a mini Jeep around.

Sarah Silverman kinda bombs with a bit about Paris Hilton being too fat and Christina Aguilera belts out a big ballad with lots of smoke and a full orchestra.

Lou Reed and Pink (who introduces the night's first political allusion by singing one line asking if the president was a lonely boy) present best rock video to afi.

Wow, mass exodus from the celebrity section at the 2 hour and 50 min mark. Literally about 3/4 of them just walked out.

Jack Black's Tenacious D does a weird song about "f**king friendship." The half-clothed Jackass guys present the viewers' choice (mtv says more than 40 million voted) to Fall Out Boy Queen Latifah introduces mtv's moral moment of the night, bringing out former veep and Current TV chief Al Gore (I kid you not that the crowd's making a lot of noise for him). He's doing his global warming slide show and it seems much appreciated.

Sadly for mtv, I don't think this will be the ratings get they're hoping for. There was just no shock factor. Oh wait now, as (apropos of…?..).J. Lo presents video of the year to Panic! at the Disco some wannabe scene-stealer calling himself "six" grabs the mic to rant about not getting his own show. Jack Black plays it off saying "six is the new soy bomb" and Axl Rose intros a closing performance by The Killers. And with that, I'm calling it a night!